God is my Why

Let me tell you about my relationship with God.

It’s been a rough ride.

When I was little, I prayed every single night and day, “Dear God please heal my Daddy.” Dad struggled with arachnoiditis and incredible searing pain every moment of his life. It made him suffer unspeakably, and not that fun to be around.

And so I prayed. And prayed. And prayed more. I prayed all through my childhood and into my teens and twenties.

Daddy never got better. He just kept getting worse and worse. My faith in The Almighty had been rewarded with a “no.”

My young heart couldn’t take it. It broke my heart and made it hard.  Perhaps my fragile, young self couldn’t handle a world where God would appear to deny the prayers of a little girl selflessly praying for her Daddy to get better.

The older I got, the more it made me angry at God. I questioned, “how can people say God loves us?! He obviously isn’t listening.”

I rationalized, “God is cruel! He let my Dad suffer, and so many other dads, along with children who get cancer. “

And then I gave up. “God isn’t listening, so why bother. I’m done.”

Just like that.

I abandoned God for years. I lived a secular life… a selfish life… and a material life. I pursued material wealth, glitz, accolades, success, and validation from the outside. I found it all… but it never filled the massive hole that a life without God leaves.

I crashed when I retired from my first company, and found the right pieces of psychology to fix my head… and that’s when I wrote my book. (Get a signed copy!)

My book saved my head. 

But it was the pandemic and God’s way that saved my heart. 

When the stupid plandemic kicked off, I became afraid. Very afraid. Not of any germ, but of a different contagion: cruelty.

People became cruel and eager for segregation. People used the pandemic as an excuse to lean into their hatred and cruelty to others. People willingly hurt others in the name of “safety.”  I suffered for my choices, and if you’re reading this, you probably did too.

I was terrified.

My fear had once made me turn back to God, I admit it. But the fear of existential annihilation made me rethink everything.  Fear will do that.

I began to read The Bible, fearing the End of Days. I started going to Church.  I leaned in. I prayed multiple times a day.  I still do.

“God, I’m terrified. Please show me the way.”

“God, I’m losing everything I worked for. I can’t survive without you.”

“God, what do I do…?”

“God, I surrender to You.  I am Yours.  Please lead me.”

It was then that God answered me. And showed me that when I abandoned Him, He never abandoned me.  He showed me that He had always been answering my prayers, but in His way, not mine.

The Almighty knows best.  I do not.

When I asked for God to heal my Daddy, He had. My Dad was once unkind, a work-a-holic, and never around. God grounded my Dad and gave me a Dad who did his best and was PRESENT. My Dad showed me how to be strong, how to think for myself, and how to work with integrity and honor. God healed my Dad’s broken ways and forced him to be AROUND. His pain forced him to be kinder, softer, sweeter, emotionally-intelligent, creative, caring, and the man I admire more than anyone on this Earth.

God did heal my Daddy – but not in the ways I wanted – the ways I needed, and my father needed. 

This knowing was revealed in my heart when I prayed with a humble heart.  This knowing was revealed when my ego subsided and I surrendered to God’s will and divine plan.  This knowing was so clear, and so obvious when I finally got it that God is not some sort of Holy genie who grants wishes, but he is THE FATHER who is IN CHARGE, and I have no business touching the steering wheel, never mind trying to drive.  God is a loving father who wants to be trusted, loved in return, and allowed to love fully, completely, and in the ways He knows best.

The moment I let go… the moment I surrendered… was the moment *I* changed, and His plan for me was revealed (and is still being revealed!).

• When I nearly lost everything because of the plandemic, it revealed my egocentric ways and my illusion that I could provide for myself. I cannot. God provides – I need to listen, receive guidance, do as He commands, and ask for His help to do good works.  I need to make all I do for LOVE, for GOD, and for SELFLESSNESS.  We are commanded to.
• When I prayed for God to help me make a difference, He gave me the wisdom of my book, which I had foolishly attributed to my own skill. Nope. HE was showing me how to serve.  I published it, and it has served countless people.  I am not so talented that I could come up with that book without Him.  The second edition will be devoted to Him.
• When I prayed again for God to help me make a difference, He helped me to see all the abundant wrong in the world, and the incredible HURT that so many millions of people were feeling – just as I was – and gave me the courage to use my voice to help them (and me in the process!).
• When I prayed for God to help me lead a good life, He provided me with a husband who would die for me, people who believe in me, and the courage to lift me up on my darkest days.  He changed my husband’s heart and lifted his pain so he could lead as men should, and provide all that a husband should.  He changed my husband’s mind and gave him the courage to run a mission-driven company alongside me.

For all of this, I am so deeply proud of Sovereign Ammo. This company is my heart. Ammunition is a commodity – let’s not pretend otherwise. The difference anyone needs to focus on is WHY we do this.

• Sovereign Ammo is a voice for the voiceless.
• Sovereign Ammo is a voice for those who are afraid to act in alignment with their beliefs of God and what’s right, for fear of punishment.
• Sovereign Ammo is a company with tools to help you protect and defend your family, as we protect and defend ours.
• Sovereign Ammo is here to change things. Ammunition is simply *ONE* way we’re doing it.

God provides. This is His company, and we are His servants. Ammunition is only one way to protect yourself and your family, as God commands us to do. Nehemiah 4:14 says:

“When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.””

For those who hate what we do, fine. You get to do that. Move along without hatred or judgment. You are loved regardless by me and by our Father.  If you can’t see how ammunition and the divine DUTY to protect your family is a commandment from God, I can’t fix that for you.  But you are in my heart and prayers.  As is this entire broken nation.

Protecting my family, and giving you the TOOLS and the VOICE to protect yours is my sacred duty, and my service to God.

The name “Sovereign” is about freedom – it’s about responsibility – it’s about spirituality – it’s about THE Sovereign.

God is my why.

A few PS notes:

1. Yes, I still call my father Daddy.  I’m proud to be Daddy’s little girl.  If you’re a father and you’re reading this and you’re lucky enough to have your grown daughter still call you Daddy, it’s because she really really really loves you.
2. I know this is much longer than I usually write, but I hope you found it interesting and valuable.  It was for me.  I was weeping through writing most of it, honestly.  The subject of God, and my earthly father are right inside my heart.
3. Comments always welcome.  I’d love to hear about your relationship with God and how these little corners of my heart touched you.
4. Please scroll to the very bottom of this page to sign up for emails from us.  We never spam anyone and we’ve got some HUGE announcements coming up so soon I can taste it!!!  YESSSSS this means restock!!!